Virus Humor

Saw on the web somewhere:

Who says Viruses aren’t humorous

U.S. Health Care Virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.00.

Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a “virus,” but instead refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism.”

Right to Life Virus: Won’t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Bureaucrat Virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screens splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Freudian Virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS Virus: Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis Virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs — only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Imelda Marcos Virus: Plays a song (slightly off key) on boot-up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through eBay.

George Bush Virus: It starts by boldly stating, “Read my docs … no new files!” on the screen then proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, and blaming it on the Congressional Virus.

LAPD Virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in “self-defense.”

Oral Roberts Virus: Claims that if you don’t send it a million dollars, its programmer will take it back.

O.J. Virus: It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus doesn’t horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack – once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting.

MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T Virus.

Amish virus: As the Amish don’t have any technology or programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank you for your cooperation.

Adam & Eve Virus: Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.

Hillary Clinton virus: Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.

Woody Allen Virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

Oprah Winfrey Virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then Slowly expands to 300MB.

Yugoslavia Virus: Almost immediately fragments into several autonomous parts. Then it violently tries to reassemble itself for the next 150 years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

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