Southern Folk

From My Inbox

Southern FOLKS know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern FOLKS know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern WOMEN know everybody’s first name:
Honey
Darlin’
Shugah

Southern WOMEN know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern FOLKS know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern FOLKS know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl’stn
S’vanah
Foat Wuth
N’awlins
Addlanna

Southern WOMEN know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don’t “HAVE” them,
you “PITCH” them.
_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up “a mess.”
_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”
_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long “directly” is, as in:
“Going to town, be back directly.”
(“Dreckly” in my family)
_____

Even Southern babies know that “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular, sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
_____

All Southerners know exactly when “by and by” is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
If the neighbor’s trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin’!
_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and
“a right fer piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.
_____

Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____

A Southerner knows that “fixin” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, … and when we’re “in line”, we talk to everybody!
_____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they’re related, even if only by marriage.
_____

In the South, y’all is singular, all y’all is plural.
_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, biscuits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, “Well, I caught myself lookin’,” you know you are in the presence of a genuine
Southerner!
_____

Only true Southerners say “sweet tea” and “sweet milk.” Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it — we do not like our tea unsweetened. “Sweet milk” means you don’t want buttermilk.
_____

And a true Southerner knows you don’t scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.
You just say,”Bless her heart”… and go your own way.
_____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning, bless your heart!
_____

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff….bless your hearts, I hear they’re fixin’ to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !

Now Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you’re a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.


Comments

Southern Folk — 1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

By submitting a comment here you grant Kenneth Williams and this site a perpetual license to reproduce your words and name/web site in attribution.